HealtyDayS

“I’m pregnant”. These words are ones that over one million teenage girls in this country say each year. If you find that your teenage daughter is pregnant, you may have some very strong emotions. Your daughter has told you this because she needs your love, support and guidance. When a daughter gets pregnant, many parents blame themselves. It does not do any good to place blame. What needs to happen now, is for the daughter to get some good advice from people she can trust. She has many important decisions to make.

A teen who is pregnant has two legitimate options to consider. One is to place the baby for adoption. Another is for her to raise the child herself. Today there is less stigma attached to being a teen mom, and many girls choose to become a parent. But as adults know, being a parent is a huge responsibility. It is easy to have a baby. The rest of parenting is the hard part. It is helpful to have your daughter talk with a family counselor, someone who can help her to think through all the pros and cons of each option. Often teen girls get pregnant to hold onto a boyfriend, or to have something to love of their own. They do not think about all the dirty diapers, the crying at night and the loss of social life. Counselors can help pregnant teens face the reality, not the fantasy. They can also help teens figure out why they got pregnant in the first place. This is important to deal with, or it may happen again.

Your daughter has the right to decide what she wishes to do with her pregnancy. No matter what her decision, a counselor can help her through the strong emotions she will be feeling. Often teens who become pregnant drop out of school. Encourage her to stay in school. Many schools offer teenage parent programs to help girls complete their education. As hard as it may be, try to give your daughter your honest advice and your love. She needs it now.

Being a parent is a tough job. It is stressful, and lasts 24 hours a day. With most jobs we get some training on how to do it…but not with parenting. Most of us have no training, and have no one to tell us how to do it the right way. Our children are not born with an instruction book.

Child abuse is something that “normal” people do, not just “crazy” people. Most people who hit their children feel more stress than they can handle. Many of the stresses that we all experience, like job, marriage or money stress, seem worse when we have a crying baby who does not sleep much. Babies and young children are very demanding. Many of us do not have anyone to turn to for a break from the kids. Often times, relatives live far away, and we may not know our neighbors well. This stress and isolation are even harder on single parents.

So if you feel stressed to the point you think about hitting your child, you are not alone. Many parents feel angry when they are stressed. But feeling angry and acting on that anger are two different things. These feelings tell us it is time to look for help and support. You can look in the phone book for hot lines about parenting or child abuse, such as Parents Anonymous. Consider calling your family, a religious leader, a friend or a health worker. They can help you deal with the tough job of parenting, without hitting your child.

HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, is an important topic for parents and children to discuss. As parents, we hope our kids will not be exposed to HIV. We are often ill at ease discussing sex and drug use with our kids. But protecting our children from life’s hazards is a part of our job as a parent. Talking about HIV is an important task that parents today must take on.

Be clear when talking about HIV. Let kids know how they can get HIV:
* unprotected sexual intercourse,
* unprotected sex,
* contact with another person’s blood or the blood in a drug needle, or
* being born to an infected mother.

Also, let kids know how they won’t get HIV. This is especially important for young children to know. They won’t get HIV from a swimming pool, drinking fountain, or from being around someone with HIV or AIDS. They can’t get it from an insect bite or sharing food.

Once a child reaches puberty, they need to understand that HIV is spread through unprotected sexual intercourse. They also need to know that safer sex can help reduce the risk of HIV. Talking about safer sex does not encourage teens to have sex. This information can be life saving information that they will carry with them into adulthood.

There are many books written for teens about HIV. Check with your local health department, your library, or your local book store. Often times your health provider will have pamphlets about HIV designed for teens.

When our kids ask us questions about sex, we sometimes worry. We may not know what to say. We may worry they are having sex. But it’s best to treat children’s questions about sex as a normal part of children’s curiosity about their world. If we can answer the children with honest, simple answers, our children will be likely to accept our answers.

Preschool age children often have questions that are very specific. They often ask:
* where do babies come from?, or
* how they get inside the mother?, or
* why do only mommies breastfeed babies?.

Try to answer in clear and easy to understand terms. Before you respond to a question with a complex answer, ask what they mean. Often times, they may want to know where they were born. If a child asks, “How does the baby get inside”, a simple answer that it grows inside the Mommy may be enough.

As children reach fourth and fifth grade, they or their friends may be starting to develop. Children who are entering this stage, called puberty, have questions about the changes they are going through. This is a good time to think back and try to remember how you felt at that age. It is a time of many questions regarding the physical and emotional changes that happen while growing up. There are many fine books at stores and libraries that can help you and your children learn the facts together. It is a good idea to talk with children before they get their first menstrual period or wet dream, so they will know that these events are normal.

Sometimes parents worry that if they talk about sex with teens that it will encourage them to have sex. This is not true. Teens have many questions, and need the facts. They also need your advice on your family values about teens and sex. Today, with the serious consequences of teen pregnancy and diseases, it’s more important than ever to have these talks.

It’s OK to feel nervous about this topic. Our parents may not have given us much information about sex when we were kids. Relax, take a deep breath, and admit your embarrassment. Show your child that you will overcome that embarrassment because it is important. There are many fine resources to turn to. To learn more, ask your child’s school nurse, your church youth director, or a healthcare provider.

When our kids ask us questions about sex, we sometimes worry. We may not know what to say. We may worry they are having sex. But it’s best to treat children’s questions about sex as a normal part of children’s curiosity about their world. If we can answer the children with honest, simple answers, our children will be likely to accept our answers.

Preschool age children often have questions that are very specific. They often ask:
* where do babies come from?, or
* how they get inside the mother?, or
* why do only mommies breastfeed babies?.

Try to answer in clear and easy to understand terms. Before you respond to a question with a complex answer, ask what they mean. Often times, they may want to know where they were born. If a child asks, “How does the baby get inside”, a simple answer that it grows inside the Mommy may be enough.

As children reach fourth and fifth grade, they or their friends may be starting to develop. Children who are entering this stage, called puberty, have questions about the changes they are going through. This is a good time to think back and try to remember how you felt at that age. It is a time of many questions regarding the physical and emotional changes that happen while growing up. There are many fine books at stores and libraries that can help you and your children learn the facts together. It is a good idea to talk with children before they get their first menstrual period or wet dream, so they will know that these events are normal.

Sometimes parents worry that if they talk about sex with teens that it will encourage them to have sex. This is not true. Teens have many questions, and need the facts. They also need your advice on your family values about teens and sex. Today, with the serious consequences of teen pregnancy and diseases, it’s more important than ever to have these talks.

It’s OK to feel nervous about this topic. Our parents may not have given us much information about sex when we were kids. Relax, take a deep breath, and admit your embarrassment. Show your child that you will overcome that embarrassment because it is important. There are many fine resources to turn to. To learn more, ask your child’s school nurse, your church youth director, or a healthcare provider.

As parents, we worry about the risks that our kids face today. Drugs and alcohol, sometimes called substance abuse, are among those risks. Teens especially, want to know what their parent’s feelings are about drug and alcohol use. Talking openly with teens about this subject can build trust.

Kids and adults turn to drugs and alcohol for the same reasons. Some do it because of pressure from friends. Others are trying to get rid of stress or emotional pain in their lives. Some people do drugs to act rebellious or act more mature. If we keep these reasons in mind, we can help our children avoid substance abuse.

Let kids speak their mind, and respect their opinions. If they get positive strokes from you, they will not have to turn to their friends as much. Also, talking about their feelings helps them to cope with the ups and downs that teens feel.

Kids, especially teens, hate to be lectured. Try asking them what information about drugs or alcohol they have learned in school. Talking about some TV show that has this issue in the plot can be a good starting point, too. Scaring kids does not make them avoid substance use. However, they need to understand the real consequences that can come from drugs and alcohol use. These include being arrested, paying fines, or getting sick. Kids learn more from watching your behavior, than from all your lectures put together. Take a careful look at your own use of alcohol and other drugs. If you suspect you have a problem seek help. Show your kids what responsible behavior looks like.

If you think your kid is abusing substances, talk to them. If they will not talk to you, get help. Some helpful resources include the school nurse, your pastor or rabbi, a family counselor or your healthcare provider.

Families today are different from the past. Today one quarter of all parents are single parents. Raising a child is a hard job, which is even harder when you are alone. Sometimes the stresses of being the only one feel huge: you are the worker, the parent, the cook, the cleaner. Learning how to manage time, and to set priorities are important skills for a single parent.

People who are successful single parents say they seek out friends who are also single parents. They can help share child care, errands or ideas. It also helps to know that others are in the same situation as you, and that the stresses are not unique to you alone. Another tip from successful single parents, is to take care of yourself. This means taking care of your own health, taking time to have fun, and to have other adult companions. Successful single parent families teach children to share in household chores, and spend time having fun together.

Since there are so many single parents today, you may find that your community has support or social groups for single parent families. Parents without Partners is one such group (call toll-free at (800) 637-7974) ; your church or temple may have one as well. These can be great ways to meet others who are dealing with the same challenges as you, raising a family alone. Remember, it’s the quality of parenting a child gets that is important, not how many parents there are.

At times teens may feel hopeless, and believe that they have no future. These stresses may lead young people to attempt to kill themselves. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death for teens and young adults. Parents should be aware of the warning signs of suicide which include:
* changes in personality, grades at school or in circle of friends,
* depression or sadness because of a loss of parent, relative or friend,
* fear of failure in school or at work,
* giving away of personal possessions,
* preoccupation with death, and
* unnatural fear of disasters like nuclear war, violence or AIDS.

Staying involved in your teen’s life will allow you to notice any of these signs should they occur. Teens may hear of other teen suicides and copy the act. If you are worried about a teen, and if you think they may be considering suicide, don’t be afraid to ask them directly. This will not cause them to consider suicide if they had not previously. If they are thinking about it, they may tell you. You can then get immediate help for them. If they deny thinking about suicide, but you are still concerned, most areas offer counseling over the phone to people in distress. Call a hot line, your healthcare provider, or your local mental health center. Do not ignore the signs, you may have just one chance to prevent suicide.

The first time you leave your child with a sitter or in day care is a stressful moment for both you and your child. This normal feeling is called separation anxiety, and it is something all children experience at times. This is a common occurrence in children less than age two, and it can come back if a child care site or provider is changed.

It is easier to deal with this feeling if you feel comfortable with your child care provider. By choosing a safe, fun and loving child care facility for your child, you can rest assured that your child will be well cared for. Make sure you check the facility out well in advance of the first day. It can be helpful to introduce your child to the people that will be caring for them, and to show them around the facility. Try to find some fun distraction to attract your child, like an appealing toy, activity center or playground. Talk positively about the place and the people, and the excitement in your voice will help your child to be excited.

Once the day has come for you to leave your child, be as calm and matter of fact as possible. Have a simple & consistent ritual when you depart. Never try to sneak away while your child is not looking, always tell them you are leaving. If your child cries, remember that most of the time the crying stops very soon, and the child begins to have fun with the activities and other children. Let your child know when you will be back. Sometimes having a picture of you and your family in your child’s lunch-box can help soothe the fears of separation anxiety.

Once you come back to pick them up, praise them for the good job they did that day. Allow them to show you what they did that day, and compliment them on any projects. The separation anxiety will be lessened when your child realizes you always come back. If your child starts having nightmares or other unusual behavior, ask a professional for advice.

In today’s world, many children have parents who both work outside the home. In addition, many families have single parents, or are “blended” families with step-parents. Due to these changes, there are no longer any distinct parental roles. More men and women share in the responsibility of parenthood. Parents working together do the best job of raising their children, whether or not they are living in the same household.

How can parents share these duties fairly? Start by making a list, dividing tasks and responsibilities. Parents may do things in different ways. Remember that a different way is not worse or better, it is just different. In fact, children can benefit from learning that there are several ways to carry out something. One really important part of parenting, is for them to agree to support each other’s decisions.

Of course, if one parent is placing the child in danger, it is up to the other parent to get involved for their child’s safety. If parents are having a tough time agreeing on parenting roles, it is wise to seek family counseling.